Do you ever wonder why you behave a certain way in relationships? Why you might fear closeness, crave it too intensely, or feel like you’re repeating the same patterns over and over? The answer often lies in your attachment style—an emotional blueprint formed in childhood that continues to shape how we connect as adults.
So, what attachment styles have been identified?
1. Secure attachment
People with this style are able to form close relationships without losing themselves. They feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence, and they can communicate their needs while listening to their partner without fear of rejection.
2. Anxious attachment
Marked by a strong need for closeness and constant worry about the relationship. These individuals often fear abandonment, overanalyze their partner’s words, and seek continuous reassurance of love.
3. Avoidant attachment
Driven by fear of closeness and loss of independence. Avoidant individuals often struggle to trust, keep emotional distance, and may escape into work, hobbies, or solitude.
4. Anxious-avoidant attachment (disorganized)
A mix of longing for connection and fear of it. These people often live in inner conflict—desiring intimacy, yet feeling threatened or overwhelmed once they have it.
Why does this matter?
Your attachment style influences:- how you communicate your needs,
- how you respond to conflict,
- how you build trust and intimacy,
- and how you set (or fail to set) boundaries.
Understanding your attachment style is the first step toward consciously building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. ☝🏻
Want to explore your own style and start a meaningful conversation with your partner?
We recommend Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. It’s a fantastic introduction for anyone who wants to better understand themselves, their partner, and the dynamics of romantic relationships.
And if you’re already in a relationship and want to bring yourselves even closer, start with a conversation using our Love cards ❤️
Cover photo: Rachael Crowe via Unsplash
